From Overwhelmed To Fulfilled

Raising kids, tweens and teens whilst working full-time or running your own business can be overwhelming. Someone who knows all about this is Emma Lagerlow, a life coach, founder of business Mummaste https://www.mummaste.com/ and mum to 4 tweens and teens. 

Emma is super passionate about helping mums raise teens totransform their lives from overwhelmed to fulfilled. To inspire them to reach for their goals and find greater purpose, connection and well-being. 

We recently caught up with Emma and asked her lots of questions about how she became a life coach to Mums and picked her brains on all the things that as mums, we can do to make our lives easier and more fulfilling. 

Emma Lagerlow

We'd love to know your story, Emma. You had a corporate career until the start of COVID. Why did you decide to take a different path?

I have always wanted to write a book, and for years I toyed with the idea of starting a blog as marketing for the book, but it never seemed to be the right time. When the pandemic hit, and I had much more time on my hands, I knew it was then or likely never. Creating a blog took me on the path of self-development, I read books and listened to podcasts by coaches, such as Melissa Ambrossini and I was inspired. I have always loved people and human nature, and it opened my eyes to a different path, one where writing a book and blogging did not have to be just a hobby or a side hustle. I decided to study life coaching to support mums raising tweens and teens like myself, and the rest is history. Apart from the book which is still waiting in the wings, but it's certainly getting closer.

Could you tell me about the name of your business? Why Mummaste?

This is another Covid story that involves virtual yoga during stay-at-home orders. Yoga always ends with the greeting Namaste, which means the divine in me honours the divine in you. Mummaste came to me at the end of a yoga practice. I love my translation. That means the mum in me honours the mum in you.

As a mum to 4 tweens/teens, what are the most challenging aspects of parenting this age group? I assume that COVID added a whole set of additional challenges?

I sometimes wonder if we forget the past challenges that each stage of parenting presents and only focus on the challenges that we have right in front of us. But I have researched this and have found that a 14-year-old daughter is the hardest to parent and I tend to agree. Now having 4 kids in various stages of tween and teens, I feel I have some experience and can see and maybe even predict the transformation that occurs. Of course, every child is different, but they all seek independence and test boundaries in some way, shape or form during this time. The biggest challenge for me is setting and upholding boundaries. You have to be very strong and learn to pick your battles. Covid presented extra challenges around social dynamics, and it set my kids back academically as they are not self-motivated to learn. But, the bonus on the flip side was that we had more quality time as a family, as I'm sure I would not have seen as much of my teenagers if we were not all locked up together.

You talk about how women can lose their self-identity during this period. From conversations with our girlfriends, we know that once the kids reach an age where they are more independent and need you less, it can leave you wondering what your purpose is from there on in. Is this something you have experienced or that you see with your clients?

Yes, I have experienced this myself and can see it with friends and clients. We love our kids so much that we build our entire lives around them and their well-being and can end up sacrificing our own in the process. For me, I was living my life on autopilot before Mummaste. My life was one big time trial of getting to the gym, the washing on the line and the house in order before I dashed to get the kids to school and work on time, to begin the race again for afternoon activities and dinner. I was always exhausted and had little time to focus on anything besides exercise and socialising, which was often based around the kids too.

Some of my clients with older children who are now adults feel quite lost. Many have jobs that are good for raising a family but not overly challenging. They lack fulfilment with more time but not a lot of purpose or passion now that their children, who were their purpose, are independent and no longer need them as much.

What advice would you give to women who feel like this?

Getting in touch with a life coach is a great place to start, as they can support you in reclaiming your sense of self. Starting with life balance, uncovering your values, limiting beliefs, finding your passion and purpose and setting goals. 

I would also urge them to think about the things they enjoyed doing when they were younger, hobbies, special interests, volunteer work and career aspirations. It's never too late for something new, and mums of teenagers are hopefully only halfway through their lives, so there is a lot of living left to do. Why not find your purpose and seek fulfilment?

We love the fact that you talk about money mindfulness Emma. Can you tell us a little bit more about this?

I have always been passionate about being present with money. I think it's important that both partners (if you are in a partnership) are aware of the financial situation and have an equal say in the decision-making. I do this through clear communication and by maintaining a budget. This free Money Mindfulness Budget Planner is available to download on my website. This helps me with small money decisions, like whether or not I can afford that new pair of shoes this month and with the bigger financial goals, such as paying off the mortgage.

Emma, we believe that clutter can significantly impact how overwhelmed you feel as a Mum. Consumerism has led to an explosion of possessions in our homes and lives, and it is primarily women who are doing the purchasing. Incessant marketing and influencing are pushing the message that we are not good enough or won't be happy until we have an abundance of beautiful possessions in our lives. Throw into the mix that we are so busy and there is so little time to declutter and organise stuff. It seems to be a real challenge. We'd love to know what your thoughts on this are.

I have enjoyed following @mycuratedlife, and have been inspired me to declutter quite a bit of late. I love my Knick Knacks, but they do tend to add quite a bit of time to my dusting regime. Also, having a pantry or linen press full of items that I may never use is overwhelming for me because I hate waste, but I also don't have or make the time to address decluttering. 

I also worry a lot about the effect consumerism, ongoing marketing, and influencing are having on our planet. Landfill and climate change due to pollution are very concerning for the health of our planet and the sake of future generations. I am not overly materialistic and tend not to need 'new' things all the time, but many do, and I hope they start to get the message and not buy so much stuff.

How do you manage the clutter in your home? With four children, you must have a constant flow of new things coming in? Do you have any tips that have worked for you to keep things under control?

I do have a constant flow of new and sometimes hand-me-down things coming into the home. With three daughters, lots of people like to give me clothing. I always manage and organise it as it comes in, and I often use school holidays to do a purge in the’ rooms. Now they tend to do this themselves, except for my son. The girls can be ruthless, as their fashion tastes change on a whim. I do try to hand good quality items on to friends and others. I ensure they are decent, they go into a charity clothing bin.

I also utilise eBay and Facebook marketplace to occasionally sell used furniture and some clothing.

My husband is a collector, so that can sometimes lead to arguments, he has the rumpus and garage for his Star Wars figurines, and I have allowed his shells to be displayed around the house.

Emma, you run a group coaching program, The Break The Busy Cycle. Can you tell us a bit more about this program?

My 4-week Break the Busy Cycle and Claim Calm online coaching program is run intermittently. There are four modules around managing your time to make time for self-care, which will grow your self-love, and you can then move beyond busy to find your purpose. It is a journey for busy mums to connect, share their stories and find a better way to live life. 

I have learnt from personal experience and through my coaching that mums who are not prioritising self-care are not showing up as their best version for themselves or those around them. By learning how to prioritise your time for what is most important to you, including self-care, you will have more joy and fulfilment. 

Self-care can range from time doing nothing, having a cuppa, walking in nature, meditating, journaling, practising gratitude, connecting with friends, taking a bath, applying a face mask, going shopping, doing a hobby, exercising etc. It's an activity that is just for you and makes you feel good about yourself. 

You can't pour from an empty cup, and the more self-care you pour into yourself, the more care, love and energy you have to give to those around you.

One last question, Emma. If you had to give women raising kids one piece of advice to improve their lives, what would it be......

Be kind to yourself and treat yourself like a friend. Mums are too hard on themselves, suffering from mum guilt, comparison, overwhelm and burnout. We all want the best for our families and do our best for them. When negative self-talk begins, ask yourself if a friend would say the same. Most often, they would not. If we can have more self-acceptance and self-compassion, we will feel more calm, present and resilient as mums, which would improve our lives.

Thanks so much, Emma. It's been a delight spending time with you.

If you'd like to find more inspiration from Emma, we recommend following her account on Insta (@mummaste) or joining the Mummaste tribe. 

If you feel overwhelmed by all the possessions in your home or want to get more organised, get in touch, we’d love to help you curate your home and life.